#1133 As the Urn Turns

Ah modern times. On the one hand so great, as technology continues to make things easy, liking shopping for the formerly unshoppable online, on the other hand so scary, as each new advance opens up an entirely different set of issues.
Speaking of modern, I learned an interesting modern term the other day. It’s for people who show up at staged rallies. To pretend they are part of fake or artificial grass roots campaigns. They are called astroturfers.
Had an idea for the modern salad folks not long ago. A drink for those who really, really, like the crisp and healthy heartiness of a salad and are sick of all the sickly sweet fruity drinks out there. I call it the bleu cheese smoothie. I’m still trying to work out a way to get just the right size cheese chunks so you can use a straw.
Gross you say? Hey, it’s no worse than what Wal-Mart dot com offers. You can now order online for coffins and urns. Funeral urns, not coffee urns. Nobody uses coffee urns any more. Percolated coffee at a gathering is in such bad taste.
No, you can get funeral urns straight from Wal-Mart dot com. “When you care enough to get the very cheapest. This Asian crafted sweatshop urn is just the thing to haul the ashes of your not-so-loved one. Why pay for expensive domestic urns when you’re just going to use it as a doorstop for the back screen door anyhow.
And if you plant it in the backyard behind the mobile, well who’s to know or care how perty it is. Although this rugged one-hundred percent recycled scrap metal urn is just the thing to use as an extra block to put under that car you’re still working on in the front yard.
When we say we’re where America shops for value, we don’t just mean in this life. Here or hereafter, you can still get a good deal.
With the modern convenience of Wal-Mart dot com, even if you don’t earn a living, we can still help you urn your dead.”
America, ya gotta love it.