#822 Zoeller Fuzzy Thinking

I understand full well that if you are a golfer, the following dissertation will seem stupid, ignorant, narrow-minded and oblivious to the captivating wonder which is golf—thinking fuzzier than a guy named Zoeller.
I am not a golfer. So the many things that golfers do are an utter mystery to me. My own early attempts at golf were complete failures. My ball kept getting stuck in the windmill.
Miniature golf, or putt putt golf, was designed to be hard, as in fixed. The balls were bad; the clubs were bent and the final free-game-winning hole crookeder than a carny with a crack habit. It was a frustrating game to play.
To outsiders, golf seems like an odd sport. I mean, come on, is there any other sport that allows you to redo a shot you don’t like and call it by a name that sounds like a hobo stew—Mulligan.
Oops, my club slipped, I’ll take some hobo stew on that one.
Likewise the notion that golfing is somehow communing with nature. Admittedly, it is communing with the outdoors. And granted, in areas where there were no trees it was a beautiful thing to surround nicely mowed lawns with little stands of woods.
But in the Northwest those lawns lie on areas carved out of the trees. So a golfers commune with nature first involves a rapacious rampage of destruction through same.
Golf is also an interesting sport because it appears involve as many ways as possible to avoid what is often the point of sport, exercise.
It’s a rare golfer who actually carries his or her clubs from hole to hole. Most at least employ a rolling hand trailer sort of device. Many use a cart and so avoid walking as well. That commune with nature allows you to drive in couple hundred yard spurts.
Carts typically seat 2 people and 2 giant bags. The giant bags contain highly engineered clubs with massive oversized heads designed to increase power without, um, effort.
And the point of the game? To have the lowest score. To swing your club the fewest possible times.
In fact, to reward you for doing less.
America, ya gotta love it.