#540 Tweaking Soccer

As I wander through life, I’m sometimes led to the conclusion that much of it is dull, depressing, oppressive boredom interrupted by brief spasms of catastrophic joy.
Then again, there’s sports.
I think sports evolved as a great leisure pastime because it allows a vicarious participation in combat. It’s the ability to root for your tribe and be engaged in the outcome of a fearsome and challenging test of your guys over theirs—without significant bloodshed.
But maybe a little.
The extent to which one’s participation becomes passionate determines the fight potential on the field and in the stands. And the fight potential in the stands tends to increase with the lack of progression in the game, as measured by the score.
Take curling. You almost never see a fight break out in curling. Curlsters don’t run around the ice rink chasing each other with brooms.
But hockey players do slap each other with sticks.
Heck, they don’t just slap, they whack, chop and tomahawk each other. Why?
Hockey players hardly ever score.
Not scoring builds up frustration, and soon that frustration has to be dealt with. Usually in a socially unacceptable way.
That’s why American sports chiefs have generally realized that putting points on the board keeps players and spectators playing and spectating and not, um, killing each other.
The occasional bench-clearing brawl in a baseball game almost always ensues after a tight, scoreless, frustrating game. I’m sure baseball has a statistic to prove that somewhere.
They have statistics for everything.
But anyone who has followed international soccer knows that their fans actually do KILL each other.
I propose improving the game of soccer so more scores are made. Baseball has been tweaking the size of the mound forever, trying to get that perfect offense/defense mix, so why not soccer?
Here’s my suggestion. Add players to the offense. Whenever the ball crosses midfield, 4 extra offensive players rush on and overwhelm the defense. Or try to. If the defense battles it back to midfield, they’re now the offense and get the same privilege. Extra players must clear the field in five seconds or there’s a penalty shot.
Mark my words. There’d be fewer fights from frustration.
Cause there’s nothing as satisfying as scoring.
America ya gotta love it