#432 ‘Breviate

One of the odd things I find comforting about life is finding examples of people who mean well. Like when I talked about the people who capitalize Xmas. Obviously, they’re trying to show some kind of respect for the holiday, or perhaps the message, but they’re not completely hung up on having the Christ in it. Or maybe they don’t think about it at all, maybe they’re all worn out from sending a million Xmas cards and the abbreviation is the only thing standing between them and acute writer’s cramp. That must be it. The cramp thing, because these same people don’t use the abbreviation X-tian when talking about a Christian. And they don’t say Jesus X instead of Jesus Christ. And a good thing too because X-tian sounds like one of the X-men. And who knows what mutant talent he has. Maybe the secret power of persuasion. Able to talk old ladies out of their last catfood budget. Maybe televangelists are X-tians. And Jesus X¾That sounds too much like a Muslim sort of Jesus. One of the other things I find oddly comforting is the consistency of people. Some folks you can always depend on to do certain things. They hold on to a pattern, no matter how bad or self-destructive. Like some people who live on the river floodplains. Every rainy fall, we hear of some river flooding. And yet season after season the news reports talk about people having to evacuate their homes along rivers. Do these people just have an over abundance of hope? That the rain will stop? That maybe their upstream neighbor will fork over for a dike or redirect the channel? Maybe they just can’t sell. I think I can help. Maybe these people are the same people that invest in the penny stocks from those internet spammers. But hey, remember, there’s lots more investors where you came from. Put out your own internet spam. Hi, I’m Jimmy Swaggert I know you want to jump on this one. Invest now, rare opportunity, on beautiful riverfront property. All the amenities, especially running water.
These are the same people who must buy the inexpensive memory foam mattress. Tempur-pedic would have us belief that not all foam is alike. You know what? I believe them. I mean my experience with packing peanuts alone is enough to put the matter to rest. I don’t know if you’ve had experience with packing peanuts lately but the whole process has come a long way. Technologically. Still, some of the peanuts just don’t spring back after use. They get limp and are no good for anything. Kind of like a memory foam mattress with Alzheimers. Not as foamy as it used to be. I call it X-foam.
America, ya gotta love it.