#373 Mad Envelope

So I’ve noticed a disturbing trend recently and I think it has something to do with the topsy-turvy world in which we live. Upside down envelopes. Now I admit I’m a creature of habit. Habits are nature’s little shortcuts. The more we don’t have to think things through as if they were new each time, the more time and brain matter we have to devote to getting by. And as we age and that brain matter becomes scarcer and scarcer it’s nice to have a little shortcut every now and again. It’s like a riding a bicycle. They say you never forget. Habits are the “don’t forget, don’t even give it a thought” things that get us through. Sometimes they’re scary, like when you’ve driven from home to work and don’t remember any of the intervening miles. Or when your habit of thought becomes a prejudice and you automatically think less of someone because he or she reminds you of someone else you didn’t like.
So I guess you could say I have a prejudice about opening envelopes. I’m one of those old-fashioned 20th century guys who still thinks an envelope is like a receptacle. It has a bottom and it has a top. The bottom is totally sealed, always. Not because it’s glued together but because it folded there, preparatory to being glued on the other edges. A classic envelope is like a basket or a cup or a briefcase. The down end hold the rest of the stuff in, so when you insert your letter or bill or payment, it stays there when you lick the glue and seal it in place, or more recently peel back the protective strip, etc. When your recipient gets the envelope he takes out his finger, or if he has sustained more than one paper cut in his life, his knife or letter opener, slides it under the flap and rips open the top of the envelope. Or grabs a corner and pulls it open. He then lifts out the letter or bill and, voila, your news has reached him. One hopes, if the sender has engaged in proper letter or bill folding, it will fall open to the important first page. That is if every one else has followed our society’s habits in these things. Society’s habits, also known as tradition and culture, subtly dictate this conformity. Society’s habits can be summed up with the phrase: It’s the way things are done.
Not so two of the companies I deal with. They have started sending out their bills in upside down envelopes. The folded end is on top and if you break the seal you would ordinarily break, everything is upside down. One of the companies is Pacific Disposal. I thought before, I get it, dump the contents of envelope. But the other company is just a regular company. Why? If they got a bad batch of envelopes, well send ‘em back. Because it’s upsetting us old habit-driven fuddy-duddies. We don’t like to pull an envelope open wrong side up. And we sure as heck aren’t gonna push it.
America, ya gotta love it.