#311 Ware Be Skywalker

When I first heard about the “do not call list” I was conflicted. On the one hand, I hated non-solicited calls from telemarketers. That’s why I got an unlisted number. Then the only unsolicited calls I got were from other phone companies. Then the random speed-dialer techo-sweatshop phone places took over and whether my number was unlisted or not, I began to get calls. Of course they were a dead giveaway. The question “is the owner of the house home?” pretty much established the caller was fair game for a quick hang up. Let his random speed dialer try finding my number again. Still the “do not call list” required effort on my part to sign onto so eventually it passed into that backburner of my life where resides all things less urgent than eating, sleeping, working, and the heartbreak of psoriasis.
The other side of my conflict was worry about workarounds. Cause where there’s an advertising will there’s an advertising way. If you’re on the “do not call list” they can still get you if you ask them to. Or if they can trick you into asking. Enter the electronic online sign-up-with-just-a-little-personal-information giveaway. I think I saw one the other day. It was on a corrugated plastic sign wrapped around a light pole at a gas station. It was from a major soft drink manufacturer it promised in big letters that one out of three bottle caps was a winner. And what was the prize? A ringtone. Pardon me if you can’t hear my whoopee through my yawn. A ringtone, now there’s a prize that’s got to be setting Pepsi back a nano-cent. Hey Harold, have the factory floor run off another gajillion ringtones, these winners are piling up faster than empty plastic bottles on the freeway. Yeah right, the only surprise is, it isn’t one out of one winners. And here’s all you have to do. Get a computer, go online, enter in the special code on the bottom of your soft drink cap, and, oh yeah, your name and address and phone number and email address and age and click on this box. Which, if you actually took the time to read the fine print, probably says you are not only authorizing them to use your information in any way they see fit, you are also selling your grandmother into slavery. A similar scam is out there with a major candy manufacturer’s promotion. The call it rapper cash or something and it has nothing to do with bling. Your candy wrapper earns you the right to bid on things in an—you guessed it—online auction, just enter personal identity and sign away all privacy rights here. The only good thing about this contest is the disclaimer. Tongue in cheek? I’m not sure. Overly litigious society? Maybe. The radio disclaimer says “Candy is a treat, use in moderation.” I guess they’re worried all that wrapper cash will drive compulsive gamblers to obesity. All right, a double blame-someone-else-for-your-own-weakness lawsuit. Is that the phone ringing or the cash register...
America, ya gotta love it.