#249 Don’t leave Home

The other day I was paying my American Express bill. At one time owning an American Express card was a mark of distinction. They were one of the first pre-Starbucks companies to really play on that whole snooty thing. Not everyone can own one they’d sniff, you have to be special to be accepted by American Express. Then they went through a period where you owned one not just for the prestige but because it was essential. “Don’t leave home without it,” they’d say, or Karl Malden would, and you’d make sure to pack your American Express card before you ventured on the Streets of San Francisco. Then Visa came out with their “and they don’t take American Express” attack ads. American Express implied in return that if they didn’t take American Express they weren’t worth shopping at. American Express portrayed themselves as only issuing cards to ultra-responsible credit users. And they shored that notion up by demanding complete payment at the end of every billing cycle. Every American Express account was paid in full at the end of every month. Kind of like the first debit card. Unfortunately, someone then invented debit cards and so the incentive to own a card that you paid off every month lost its one delineating factor. You might as well have a Visa debit card. Besides, sometimes you wanted to shop at Joe’s small town meat market. And maybe he didn’t want to pay the hefty Amex merchant fee. So by the time I got my card it was issued by Costco. Talk about prestige. I got it because they gave me a rebate on the shopping I was already doing. And my picture is on the back so assuming the clerk looks at it identity theft is minimal.
But I’m worried that American Express has fallen too far from its once lofty heights. As I was paying my bill the other day I got a paper cut on one of those flap ads on their return envelope. Flap ads always flop with me anyway. This flap appeared to be a $152 check. Closer examination revealed it was a “discount voucher.” Even closer examination revealed it was an “UP TO” discount voucher. My American Express purchases supposedly qualified me to save “up to” $152 if I purchased a maximum of 12 items, each of them for only $9.97. $9.97 is such a better deal then 9.99. The items in question, based on what I’ve seen offered by traveling gimmick salesman who prowl businesses hawking them by hand, were worth about 9.97 total, 3-dollar batteries included. You know, emergency flashers, personal groomers, mini-laser-levelers. China’s finest. All of this underwritten by American Express, the amounts charged to my American Express bill. So their target customer seems to have changed. I mean, most of the upper crust I know would be willing to spend up to 12.99 on a really nice Barbeque-Pro thermometer fork.
America, ya gotta love it.