1304 Heavy Thoughts

Sometimes scientists do the darndest things.
Like recently, psychologists at MIT figured out we give more weight to things that weigh more. The heavier it is, the seriouser we take it.
An interesting thing to find out. Put aside for a moment that we also found out that Massachusetts Institute of Technology has soft sciences like psychology. What is amazing is that they validated what we already know from our language.
Here’s what they did. They determined that feelings can be altered by tactile output and stimulation. Well hit me over the head and get my attention! Really?
In mock job interviews, they figured out that the interviewer viewed applicants more seriously if the interviewer held a heavier clipboard. Light clipboards made for light impressions.
(So if you want to impress a potential boss, print your resume on heavier paper.)
They also found that comfort plays a role. Car buyers were more likely to hang around and haggle if they were in comfortable chairs, more likely to buy and get it over with if they were in hard wooden ones.
The psychologists also concluded this helps explain the development of such metaphors as I’ve had a “rough” day, and making a “weighty” decision.
Well duh. That’s what a metaphor is—using a physical thing to invoke the framework of a feeling. If you ask me, these psychologists are mental lightweights. Us common folks have known for years how language structures our perceptions and our reality.
We’ve been carrying that serious load of knowledge for a long time. Ever since the sixties at least, when some nameless mental giant uttered that immortal phrase about carrying the weight of existence.
“That’s heavy, dude...”
America, ya gotta love it.

1303 Cap-socialism

Maybe the government isn’t that bad at business after all.
I know, the previous phrase is blasphemy to my righter-winged friends, and there are plenty of examples of government waste and inefficiency, but two recent ventures of the US into the world of business appear to have done fairly well.
The whole takeover of General Motors thing seems to have worked out. GM is back towards the top of the heap in worldwide sales. At least in China. Last year GM sold 1.21 million vehicles in China, a gain of over 50% from the previous year.
Maybe it helps to have the US Government State Department closing the deal. “Yeah, would you like to go in the back room and talk to my sales manager...Hillary?”
The figures are even more impressive because GM sold only 1.07 million vehicles in the US. They sold 140,000 more vehicles to the Chinese than to Americans.
I wonder what the proportion of SUVs was.
It makes me pretty confused about the whole political thing though. As far as I can tell, it appears our socialist business-owning government made a bunch of capitalist profit selling cars to communists.
Marx and Adam Smith are both rolling over in their graves.
In other good socialistic-capitalistic hybrid government news, the massive taxpayer stake in Citigroup is paying off. You may remember that during the depths of the economic cratering, and the subsequent bailout, the US acquired 7.7 billion shares of Citigroup stock in exchange for 45 billion dollars in Federal funds. Recently the US sold a bunch of them and managed to turn a profit of $2 Billion.
Buy low, sell high, the government is catching on.
Now if only they could figure out a way to invest every tax dollar more wisely.
America, ya gotta love it.

1302 Pampering

It’s no wonder the third world hates Western culture. In lands where they hike 10 miles a day just to get disease-laden water do you think they understand things like throwaway super-absorbent paper diapers? Probably not. They’ll probably understand the next item even less.
You can now go to Target and get designer Pampers. That’s right. They’re part of the new Cynthia Rowley collection. Wastestream-choking bunhuggers now feature pastels, stripes, madras, and ruffles.
I guess if they’re going to molder in the landfill for millennia, they may as well look good.
And Lord knows, we all love to pay extra for our throwaways. They retail for $15.99 for a package of 2 dozen, about $6.00 more than plain white. Who wouldn’t pay an extra quarter for style? So what if you go through a bunch of them a day.
And really, designer Pampers are about all they can do to change up Pamper style. It’s not like they can do low-rise or bikini briefs. And they found Pamper boxers just don’t cut the mustard.
Another reason third-worlders hate Westerners? The new Mercedes convertible. This is an amazingly indulgent automobile. It’s the comfortable convertible. Because it has two very anti-convertible features. One: An airfoil that rises above the front windshield to create an “air-cap” so riders in the front and back seats don’t get their hair mussed by the pesky wind. And two: Air vents in the seats’ headrests that blow warm air on your neck. Convertibles can get so chilly, you know.
You want to look cool in a convertible. Not feel that way.
A convertible that doesn’t feel like you’re driving a convertible. We have arrived.
When it comes to pampering, the West has it wrapped.
America, ya gotta love it.