1593 Speed Lite

The news broke quickly. The speed of light has been broken. At least that's what scientists at the CERN laboratory in Switzerland are now saying. They measured the speed of neutrinos going for hundreds of miles and they arrived a 60 billionth of a second sooner than they theoretically should have. That's like 60 feet faster than ordinary light.
Compared to neutrinos the speed of light is speed lite.
Scientists are all in a dither because the entire theory of relativity depends on the speed of light being a constant. For something to go faster means it would actually go backward in time.
I'm guessing this means the first folks to use and make money off neutrino speed will be the cosmetics industry. "Look nanoseconds younger with Neutrino Cream."
Or the male potency industry. "Want to feel younger where it really counts? Viagra slowing you down? Take Neutralis. We take the neuter out of neutrino."
I don't mean to make light of it. It's a very big problem indeed. Because all the theories of the universe are in trouble. Which is good in a way. Relativity had problems. Dark Matter. Dark Energy. A unified field theory explaining gravity, merging relativity and quantum mechanics. And worst of all, a hopelessly complex String theory that calls for 14 dimensions and endless multi-verses.
Hello... theories of everything are supposed to be simple and elegant. E=MC squared, remember?
You mean its E=MC cubed? Doh, vat vas I tinking?
In fact, the new speed of light means something entirely different. Yep. The world was actually created 6000 years ago and dinosaur fossils and oil were planted by a whimsical deity just to trick faithless scientific types.
And, oh yeah, the big bang wasn't a big bang at all.
It was a big kathump.
America, ya gotta love it.