1374 Eek Lips

So I was in the grocery store the other day. And I decided I needed some gum. I chew the sugarless variety, as I have discovered that grinding raw sucrose into one’s teeth with the sugared variety is perhaps not a good idea cavity-wise.
Sucrose might more aptly be pronounced su-gross vis-à-vis the tooth-destroying effects of said acid-producing and bacteria-feeding sugars. One’s teeth may as well be whittled down to fangs.
Which, oddly, seemed to be promoted by the sugarless variety I picked. It was the Wrigley’s brand Eclipse. Now I have used Eclipse gum before, and like its longlastiness and bright flavor. My particular favorite flavor is spearmint, which, for some reason, always sounds like an after-dinner treat at a violent cannibal party.
In any event, Eclipse, the gum, has decided to trade on the popularity of Eclipse, the movie, and so has a promotional thing going on its packets. That’s right, a sugar-free breath-sweetening gum has a co-branding promotion going with a vampire movie.
Hmmm. Vampire gum... Why does that sound like a previously overlooked marketing opportunity? Of course. Vampires must have exceptionally bad breath. I have a devil of a time freshening my mouth after a glass of milk. Imagine what a carafe of blood would do to one’s breath. Especially if you suck the blood of a guy named Hal who eats lots of garlic. Man. Talk about halitosis.
Sorry.
“Dude, floss your clots or something, your breath could wake the dead.”
So Eclipse is the perfect solution to vampire breath. And I suppose it sums up the reaction of folks to a vampire’s bloody lips. Especially if the sight of those lips makes someone go “eek.”
Get it? Eek-lips...
You’re killing me here...
America, ya gotta love it.