#1183 Plantman

The chief difference between plants and animals is that plants make their own energy from the sun. They do this with photosynthesis, using little cellular factories called chloroplasts filled with green chlorophyll. This is why plants are green. These workhorses convert sunlight into food for the plant. And ultimately into food for us.
Scientists recently discovered a plant/animal hybrid, a sea slug that can do the same thing. Apparently, all it needs to do is eat a few chloroplast-filled algae, swipe some of their DNA, and voila, the sea slug can now make its own energy for the rest of its life.
It need never eat again. Nor hunt for food. Which, you know, is a great idea when you move as slowly as a slug. There’s not that much prey you can bring down in a high speed chase.
But think of the possibilities. Genetically engineer this into people. How different the world would be if we no longer had to grow and kill food.
All the massive environment-killing agriculture that’s bleeding the soil of nutrients. All the colossal chemical factories spewing out noxious chemicals into the atmosphere as they make products to spread noxious poisons into the ground to either add fertilizer or kill insects.
All the trucks on the road burning fossil fuels to deliver pesticide- laced produce to the massive supermarkets where we drive our individual carbon-footprinting cars to pick them up in plastic bags that will stay in the landfills for the next 12 generations.
All the factory-farmed chicken and slaughterhouse cattle and squealing butchered pigs. All of that gone.
And all our youth, their moral values ruined as they’ve got one less chore to do around the house. Yes, no more dishes.
And the only price to pay is that we’d have to be careful to wear colors that go with our new green skin.
Manplant, Plantman, only one thing left for science to do. Since we still wouldn’t spend a lot of time outdoors, scientists would need to modify the chloroplasts to derive energy from not just the sun, but the radiation from our TVs. Then Plantman will find his true vegetile destiny.
Couch potato.
America, ya gotta love it.