#1073 Retread Lightly

So there I was, minding my own business. It was morning, my brain still a little foggy. I was driving down the road going over my mental calendar, planning my day. Something caught my eye. It was the flashing lights of a state patrol car off to the left.
Blinking, flashing, spinning, attention-getting. As a well-trained driver, my first thought was to check my speedometer. I am so Pavlovian when it comes to flashing lights. Stater means ticket. My speedometer showed I was speeding by about five mph so I backed off a little bit, at the same time chastising myself for being paranoid.
And stupid, it’s flashing lights in the rearview mirror I should be worried about, not flashing lights up ahead.
But now I was curious. Why was the cop off to the left, parked against the jersey barrier in the breakdown lane? There must be someone he’s pulled over, but who could it be? There appeared to be no one in front of him. Was it a tiny Smart Car? A Motorcycle?
I was in the middle lane, and just as a car passed by the policeman so I could see, another car started to pass to my left. In the gap I was surprised to see that there was no one in front of the state patrol car!
A bigger surprise awaited. As I turned back to look down my lane, right smack dab in the middle of it was a huge chunk of ripped off tire retread.
In the split second of panic I had to enjoy the tableau, I determined that it was just narrow enough to pass between my wheels and under my car if I nudged to the left.
With a big ka-chunk ka-chunk and a garble-y noise that sounded like my undercarriage was being ripped out, I passed over the offending rubber mass.
Now I was very full of adrenaline, and very mad at the Stater. In order to warn me he had actually distracted me. Had he not been there my eyes would have been where they were supposed to be, on the road ahead.
Instead, I ended up in a stater confusion...
America, ya gotta love it.