2458 App-liance

I don't really want the internet of things the tech world is predicting.  That's where all of your household meters, appliances, and products communicate constantly with the web.  The idea of an appliance that talks to the cloud, or an app-liance if you will, is supposedly the next big thing.  

Amazon recently made a move in that direction with little product-specific stick-on buttons you stick to places around your house that automatically communicate with your smartphone when you're out of detergent or toothpaste or milk. 

Not sure the milk stick-on would stick out with all the magnets I currently have on my refrigerator.  They may be high tech, but they're still little buttons with product brandnames on them that bear an astonishing resemblance to refrigerator magnets.  My decor is eclectic already, I'm not sure festooning the entire house with refrigerator magnets would be an improvement.

And really, I don't want my detergent bottle to remind me to buy a new one.  That seems so demeaning and pitiful. Hanging around at the coffee shop, getting a vibration on my smartphone, thinking, "Oh cool, someone is texting me."  Then finding out it's my detergent bottle reminding me I haven't yet made my laundry purchase. 

There's some existential angst.  Talk about feeling friendless and isolated.  I only communicate with a detergent bottle.

It's like the digital message that scrawls across the readout area of my microwave.  "Enjoy your meal," it says.  I've always smirked condescendingly.  "Meal, huh?  It doesn't even know I only zapped a cup of coffee."  The internet of things will change that.  The message will probably read, "Enjoy your coffee, now on sale at Fred Meyer, shall I order right away?"

There's nothing that makes you feel more pathetic and alienated than being nagged by an appliance. 

America, ya gotta love it. 

2457 Tech-No

Despite what you may have picked up from these essays, I am not anti-technology.  Technology has its place, I'm just wary of technologies that, under the guise of helping ease our frustrations, actually supplant our connection with life.

That said, I'm not so good when it comes to even old technology.  Like I never give my car an oil change.  After all, my oil drips out and I have to replace it.  So I figure I'm just constantly giving it a very slow oil change.  One quart at a time.

Likewise my car has one of those automatic headlight turnoff features if I accidentally leave them on.  It takes about 6 hours.  Then my battery is dead for some reason.

So I shouldn't criticize this company I saw promoting their services in a video commercial.  They apparently provide cellular phone and data service and the commercial showed all the ways that could come in handy. 

The bad thing was the final scene in the ad.  They showed a father figure hooking up a tiny projector of some sort to a smartphone and streaming a movie on the inside of a tent.  The tent wall acted as a screen.

Then the point of view drew back so you saw the tent from the exterior.  The family in question was out camping.  It drew back even further and you could see the glowing tent, glowing because of the movie playing inside.  Sadly, the final scene also showed an incredible background of trillions of stunning stars in a heartbreakingly beautiful sky.  

Which the technology-addicted family inside was completely ignoring.  Because you know, we go camping to get away from it all.  And enjoy the wonders of nature. 

Or is that technology?  "Nature's boring Dad.  Can we stream a movie on our tent?"

America, ya gotta love it. 

2456 Pre-Disconnect

I worry that our society is suffering from a vast case of disconnectosis. That's when you use words that are disconnected from common sense.

Like in one of those emails I got from a car dealer the other day.  Periodically they send out reminders that it's time to come in and buy a car.  I'm okay with that, they don't overload my email inbox with constant suggestions for buying stuff I just bought because their algorithm told them too.  But the offer they offered me was a little odd.  The subject line said, "Top Pre-Owned Deals of the Month." 

Naturally I wondered.  How does one pre-own a deal? 

It was classic example of a word having an original meaning and being modified.  A car being a pre-owned vehicle, using pre-owned as an adjective, and now it's called a "pre-owned" as a noun.  When they use that modification in a different context it makes it sound like a nonsensical adjective.  A pre-owned deal.

Likewise the new term I heard, "teaser-trailer."  The studios and media are calling them that now.  Which is okay in one sense, I've complained for years that calling a film preview a "trailer" made no sense.  It really is a teaser. 

But calling it a teaser-trailer now seems repetitive.  Unless it's a subset of the whole film genre.  You have your film, and you have your trailer (which is actually a preview), and you have your teaser-trailer, which is actually a teaser of the real trailer they'll put out before they put out the actual film. 

I think I'll just wait for the DVD. 

Hey.  Maybe I can connect up to a deal on a pre-owned DVD.  One with all those special features, like the formerly distributed teaser-trailers. 

Formerly distributed teaser-trailers.  Are they called pre-runs? 

America, ya gotta love it.