2040 Hot Flash

I'm sort of tuned in to advertisements. When you're a child of modern times, it's hard not to be. Who am I kidding "modern"? Ads have been around since the first time a hawker hawked the "Muffin man down on dreary lane." And been encouraging folks to scratch their heads too.

Like this ad I heard recently. It was from a medical care facility. They were telling how they specialize in women's care. And part of their specializing was a "personal, caring" approach. Because they knew that you, as a woman, appreciated a personal caring approach.

So they could better treat you for women's issues like hot flashes and bladder control and offer: "Minimally invasive robotically assisted hysterectomies."

Because, you know, there's nothing more personal than a robot.

I don't how many times I've been on a date and thought, "Boy, I'd really be able to be more personal and caring and intimate with this lovely woman if only I'd brought along a robot."

Another ad I saw had this slogan. "July is Customer Appreciation Month." Isn't that nice. Does that mean the other eleven months of the year they don't appreciate us? That August through June they're just enduring our occasional visits to their store? That if only they had their druthers, they'd ruther not have anything to do with us?

Like Mothers Day and Valentines Day, Customer Appreciation Day seems like one of those things where if you have to remind someone to love someone else it's not really worth it.

I much prefer the obviousness of another sign I saw: "Inventory Reduction Sale." Well certainly. When you stop to think about, in retail, isn't every sale you make an inventory reduction sale?

I'd figure that could be understood even by a robot.  

America, ya gotta love it.

2039 Horrid Scope

Like most people, I like having something to believe in. But of all the religious options, one I'm not entirely comfortable with is astrology. The notion that the position of the stars and planets somehow affects your fate here on Earth seems a little farfetched.

Like fetched far from the furthest star.

Because when you think about it, as most religions actually encourage you not to do, the constellations that astrology depend on to impart your traits are actually just groups of stars that appear to be associated by our point of view, and really have no relation to each other at all, other than in a connect-the-dots etch-a-sketchy sort of way.

The stars that make up most constellations are very far from each other, sometimes millions of light years or more, and not just sideways but into the depths of space. Which means some of the stars that are apparently aligned are so far and so old they may already be dead, and we're just seeing their light as it finally arrives from its long journey to us.

Let's hope one of the Gemini stars doesn't blink out.

If I needed any further proof, a quick look at birthdays recently would confirm it. Not long ago, July 12th, it was the birthday of Richard Simmons. Easy-going, frenetic, sweating to the oldies Richard. That same birthday, July 12th, is also the traditional historical birthday of Julius Caesar. World Conqueror, Emperor, that sort of thing.

Except that Richard promotes health through exercise and Julius indirectly promotes health through the salad people eat in his name, not a lot of astrological similarities.

Still not convinced? John Tesh was born on July 9th.

So was Courtney Love. There's a couple of stars that don't align.

Me. I'm a Virgo. So I'm skeptical of all that astrology stuff.

America, ya gotta love it.

2038 Watersheds

Modern technology-- we've reached some watersheds. First in size. Like the new "world's largest building." An amazing piece of human technology. There was a veritable Babel of responses to it in the worldwide media. How it could it not be newsworthy? It was big.

How big?

Well, it's only 18 stories tall but it has 1.2 million square feet of floor space. One article, sensitive to your different possible cultural bases for comparison, said it could house three Pentagons, four Vatican cities or twenty Sydney opera houses. Retail space is equivalent to 329 football fields.

It's so big, in one area it has an indoor beach. Complete with  a massive wave pool. But that's not enough. It also includes a gentle breeze, is illuminated 24-hours a day by an artificial sun, and features an 164-yard long giant LED screen that shows an artificial sunset on it's simulated horizon. Talk about watershed.

The building just happens to be in Chengdu China so you know what that means. They've finally solved their outdoor air pollution problem. Use coal to fire a big power plant, and move everyone indoors. Hey, with a 164-yard LED screen showing clear blue skies, who needs smog?

The other techno-watershed I saw recently involved the Panamanian president. The Panama police stopped a North Korean ship going through the canal that was apparently loaded with nuclear missiles hidden in brown sugar.

At least it’s healthier than white sugar.

What got me techno-wise was the President, who went to look and then decided to send a picture proving it to the whole world. By tweeting it. Yep, the President of Panama, proving North Korean nuke smuggling, a grave and serious international offence, tweeted it. 

I wonder if Twitter ever wishes they had a more serious sounding name.

America, ya gotta love it.