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America has it's food problems. E coli, Salmonella, the occasional shard of glass in a baked good. But for the most part we know what animal we're eating. Even to the number of rat hairs allowed in hot dogs.
At least we're better than Europe.
Seems the Eurozone has been having problems of late with foods that are supposed to contain beef containing another quadruped all together.
What? You ask. Horse, of course. For a main course. We're having a course of horse. And no one should have a course of horse unless of course the course of horse is a famous one, we said.
A slice of Secretariat perhaps, or a slab of Slough. But no, it's not a delightfully epicurean famous horse we get. It's a famished one. A plow horse from Romania. So sad. To not only be slaughtered ignobly in a Romanian abattoir, but then to go unacknowledged and disguised as a dumb ass cow.
It's like some insidious PETA plot meant to gross out carnivores. Hitting all kinds of major meat purveyors. Burger King. Findus lasagna. Birdseye chili. And now the final indignity. Ikea Swedish Meatballs.
What? Ikea makes meatballs?
Yep, they don't just furnish your furniture. The cafes in their stores serve famous Kottbullar Meatballs, which you can also buy online and frozen to go. And now it sounds even more appetizing. Horsemeatballs.
Hmm. The first two syllables in the name Kottbullar also sound suspiciously like cut bull. Is it a Swedish word for steer? Or gelding?
I'd be wary of buying a meatball product from Ikea in any event. Afraid I'd open up the package and find cracker crumbs, powdered eggs, indeterminate meat, a spice packet and instructions.
Ikea meatballs. Some assembly required.
Of course.
America, ya gotta love it.
Friday, March 08, 2013
Thursday, March 07, 2013
1938 Discomfort Food
America is great about finding new uses for old things, re-purposing they call it, everything from duct tape to turkey basters. So it is in the health and fitness category.
Lately there's been a surge of "exercising at your desk" advice. Try lifting your mouse and holding it steady at arms length for a while. Repeat. If you have a rolling desk chair do desk pushups. Or push aways. Back and forth. It all adds up.
Caution: If you don't have a wheeled desk chair do not do this. You end up with a push over.
Had a little workout? Feeling a little peckish? Now it's time for your after-workout snack. Some sources say the best thing you can do to keep weight off is not let your body go into starvation mode after a workout. That means giving it some food. But stay away from donuts. Grab a banana protein shake instead.
Or suck down some baby food.
That's right. The newest healthful post-workout craze is baby food pouches. Sales of them have more than doubled in the last three months, far more than the rate of new births. Because they are being sucked down by grownups.
Unlike the old Gerber jars, baby food pouches are easy to rip into and suck down after exercise. You can even do it while driving and/or texting.
So some manufacturers are experimenting with direct products for adults. Including trendy ingredients like coconut milk and acai. One maker even has a new line called Happy Squeeze. Which is usually 10 bucks in the city. Maybe their spokesperson will be Lady Googoo Gaga.
Snacking on the go has never been easier. Now you can substitute that crumpled quarter-pounder for baby food. Talk about a happy meal.
Someone save me the strained peas...
America, ya gotta love it.
Lately there's been a surge of "exercising at your desk" advice. Try lifting your mouse and holding it steady at arms length for a while. Repeat. If you have a rolling desk chair do desk pushups. Or push aways. Back and forth. It all adds up.
Caution: If you don't have a wheeled desk chair do not do this. You end up with a push over.
Had a little workout? Feeling a little peckish? Now it's time for your after-workout snack. Some sources say the best thing you can do to keep weight off is not let your body go into starvation mode after a workout. That means giving it some food. But stay away from donuts. Grab a banana protein shake instead.
Or suck down some baby food.
That's right. The newest healthful post-workout craze is baby food pouches. Sales of them have more than doubled in the last three months, far more than the rate of new births. Because they are being sucked down by grownups.
Unlike the old Gerber jars, baby food pouches are easy to rip into and suck down after exercise. You can even do it while driving and/or texting.
So some manufacturers are experimenting with direct products for adults. Including trendy ingredients like coconut milk and acai. One maker even has a new line called Happy Squeeze. Which is usually 10 bucks in the city. Maybe their spokesperson will be Lady Googoo Gaga.
Snacking on the go has never been easier. Now you can substitute that crumpled quarter-pounder for baby food. Talk about a happy meal.
Someone save me the strained peas...
America, ya gotta love it.
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
1937 Antitwerp
Some very disturbing news to newlyweds lately. The price of diamonds may go up even further. Because for a while at least there'll be a slightly diminished supply. And like the oil business, even the smallest pinch in flow can lead to big pain in the gas later on.
Recently, there was a huge jewel heist of uncut diamonds. No one is exactly sure how much money the theft was worth, as the diamonds were uncut.
What I do know is, it's a great opportunity to say the word Antwerp. Antwerp---sounds like an insect dork or the aunt of a nerd. Don't be such an Antwerp.
Antwerp is in Belgium, which is close to the Netherlands. It's also in the Flemish section of Belgium. Which, I think, is very densely populated. Someone once told me Flemish people are used to living in a congested state.
The word Antwerp supposedly derives from a legend involving a mythical giant by the lovely name of Antigoon, who in fact was a pro-goon, who would charge a toll to cross the river Scheldt, and if the traveler refused, he would cut off one of their hands and throw it in the river. I'm guessing it created a small wave.
A hero eventfully came along and got the upper hand, cut the giant's off, and saved the day. The Dutch words hand werpen, mean, literally, hand throwing. Those words were merged somehow. Hand werpen to Antwerp. Surprisingly, in Belgium today there is a ban on all hand werpens.
Perhaps because the authorities are worried about diamond heists.
I think I know who the culprit must be. The one person I've heard obsessively talking about Antwerp for decades. That's right. Tom Shane, your friend in the jewel fencing business.
America, ya gotta love it.
Recently, there was a huge jewel heist of uncut diamonds. No one is exactly sure how much money the theft was worth, as the diamonds were uncut.
What I do know is, it's a great opportunity to say the word Antwerp. Antwerp---sounds like an insect dork or the aunt of a nerd. Don't be such an Antwerp.
Antwerp is in Belgium, which is close to the Netherlands. It's also in the Flemish section of Belgium. Which, I think, is very densely populated. Someone once told me Flemish people are used to living in a congested state.
The word Antwerp supposedly derives from a legend involving a mythical giant by the lovely name of Antigoon, who in fact was a pro-goon, who would charge a toll to cross the river Scheldt, and if the traveler refused, he would cut off one of their hands and throw it in the river. I'm guessing it created a small wave.
A hero eventfully came along and got the upper hand, cut the giant's off, and saved the day. The Dutch words hand werpen, mean, literally, hand throwing. Those words were merged somehow. Hand werpen to Antwerp. Surprisingly, in Belgium today there is a ban on all hand werpens.
Perhaps because the authorities are worried about diamond heists.
I think I know who the culprit must be. The one person I've heard obsessively talking about Antwerp for decades. That's right. Tom Shane, your friend in the jewel fencing business.
America, ya gotta love it.
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