1936 Glass Packs

You hear a lot about Russian and Chinese hackers wreaking havoc on our economy. Lately it seems like an even more insidious source of sabotage is at work. Not hackers but packers.
Packers as in the folks who package our pre-packaged food supply. The conspiracy comes for all corners. Like The Nestle Company; in 2012 they had to recall banana baby food from the supermarkets because some jars contained bits of glass.
Youch. Wrong approach to sharpen your kid's appetite.
Shortly after that we heard from Bimbo Bakeries of Horsham PA. (Yes, I said Bimbo Bakeries. And yes, this is the year 2013 and the name Bimbo is probably up for a brand name upgrade.)
Bimbo currently makes Sara Lee bread products. Among them "Sara Lee Multi-Grain Thin Style Buns." Those buns were recently recalled because they contained glass and metal fragments. For some reason, cheek-lacerated consumers didn't choose to include metal fragments in their definition of fiber. Not one of the multi-grains they were expecting.
Hard to believe "Sara Lee Thin Style Buns" is a Bimbo Bakeries product.
Just recently, poor Kellogg's company of Battle Creek had a different battle on their hands. Their Special K with Red Berries was also found to contain bits of glass. It's those glass splinters that make Special K really special. And give those berries extra crunch. Kellogg's issued the following revealing statement:
“At Kellogg, our number one priority is the quality and safety of our foods. All of our processes will be thoroughly reviewed and appropriate actions will be taken to help prevent this situation from happening in the future.”
Nice try Kellogg PR. Be transparent. Then again, maybe it was a mishandled transparency that led to broken bits of glass.
Or was it undercover foreign sabotaging packers?
America, ya gotta love it.

1935 Tan-splosion

There was a story recently of an unfortunate young girl who was in the hospital for cancer treatment and came running out of her room because her shirt was on fire. The hospital speculated it may have been caused by an unlikely combination of hand sanitizer and static electricity.
The girl suffered third degree burns, so it's no laughing matter. Not the sort of treatment she had a right to expect at the hospital. But it's a sad reminder of how much of what we take for granted can hurt us. A sanitizer used to kill bacteria catches flame and kills everything else.
I'm sure the TSA will now forbid us from bringing Purell and balloons aboard airplanes.
Or maybe tanning lotion. In a little publicized recall back in October of 2012, Banana Boat took back numerous tanning products… because they were exploding.
The recall was for 23 varieties of Banana Boat UltraMist, "due to the risk that the lotion can ignite when exposed to open flame." One more reason not to smoke and tan on the beach. Even though all that sand seems like a giant ashtray, pay attention to that whole bursting into flame warning. Remember, tanned, not charred.
Perhaps they should include that on cigarette packages too. "Caution, smoking has been shown to ignite Banana Boat lotion. Do not light up cigarettes while tanning."
Not so funny. Actually Banana Boat's own UltraMist label warns: "Do not use in the presence of flame or spark. Keep away from sources of ignition --- no smoking."
Smokers think they should set up a different tanning area away from other sunbathers. Why should their smoking be interfered with by folks looking to destroy their skin?
Secondhand tanning lotion use can be deadly.
America, ya gotta love it.

1934 Presidense

Another President's Day has come and gone and with it the mild depression I feel after the passing of every holiday. Kind of like the post-Christmas blahs, only not as blah-ey.
Because it's not much of a holiday. It used to be more meaningful when it was exactly Washington's or Lincoln's birthday, occurring at random times in the week and therefore more special. Wednesday one year, Tuesday the next, a little festive period smack dab in the middle of the week.
Now it's one of those dull Monday/long weekend holidays. Not even tied to some specific president. Where's the fun in that? Back in the old days, we could chop down Lincoln Log cabins with a cherry tree axe and not tell lies and emancipate stuff. Now it's as much fun as trying to grow a Chester A. Arthur combo sideburn-mustache.
Hard to believe we ever had a president named Chester isn't it? One named Grover too. Times have changed in the stereotype department.
Anyhow, I think we could perk up President's Day. By the way, what do oppressed people in third world countries celebrate on the third Monday in February? Dictator's Day?
So... Perking up President's Day. First of all we need to have a President's Day Eve. All the good holidays have Eves; Christmas, New Years, Halloween. Then we need to have a special dinner. A good special dinner really makes a holiday holly-jolly. Think Thanksgiving and Christmas and the Independence Day BBQ.
And that means we can have President's Day themed dishes. Like Sausage Linc-olns. Or Arroz con Polko. John Quincy Adams marmalade made with real quinces. Washington apple pie, of course. And my favorite, Martin Van Buren muttonchops.
Then to splurge, and ruin your Presi-dental work?
William Howard Taffty.
America, ya gotta love it.